Bittersweet
by winterhats
Summary: Again and again. / HaruTaka, post STR, one-shot.
_I wanted to write from Haruka's point of view. Since for some reason, I always just naturally write from Takane's. I only want these two to smooch, as you can see._

 _I've been fighting a writing block too, which is actually ironic since I've been writing a lot. But it's all messy and it's usually me staring at a blank word doc for hours until I start. Also,_ _Kagepro belongs to Jin and I'm getting tired of always making that clear. Why is it necessary?_

* * *

It seems that it doesn't matter what happens, he'd always be stuck in here.

Now, he doesn't dare to smile. He doesn't want to turn around and say that everything's okay. Even if that's not a lie; to be honest, Haruka can't tell.

She's with him. She's someone that once was important to him, and by the way his heart beats when he looks at her, he thinks she may still be. Her face is calm and serious, although there's a smile. For some reason, he knows that girl hardly used to show such an expression. What kind of face was hers, in those highschool days of theirs, when they were together? He wonders why he can't remember it clearly.

Haruka thought that maybe, if he determined himself to pretend, he'd think of it as a long and distressing nightmare, but he doesn't want to. It'd be the same as forgetting, and he's done that enough already.

He smooths the white sheets covering him, just by the mere reason of doing something. There's a window right next to him, and there's not much of a view, but he likes it because he doesn't recall his former hospital rooms to have those.

She's talking again, and he likes to hear her voice. She's not saying anything about the past, just some comment towards the weather. Haruka likes the way she's trying to keep it casual, despite she's most likely trying to push back tears just the way he's struggling to properly paint into his mind fuzzy memories.

"Hey," he isn't sure if he's interrupted her, since she talks really quietly. Somehow, he knows that's odd. She used to be loud, or maybe that's just his own mind tricking him. "I'm sorry I keep asking you this, but what's your name?"

It's not that he forgot it, there's just a funny feeling every time she repeats it for him. He hears the girl sigh, and he smiles because of how familiar that sounded to him.

"It's Takane."

Then, she goes silent again. Haruka knows he's made her upset by asking it, and he can't bring himself to do anything. He'd like to say _don't worry, I do remember_ but he doesn't like lying.

* * *

There are lot of things missing, and he's been working on that until he realizes it doesn't make sense.

He realizes there's no point on being angry with himself. It's not his fault, is it? It's not his fault he can't remember everyone's faces. It's not his fault to not know who Shintaro is, and it's not his fault that this same person had to tell him the name of that girl that once was his friend, since Haruka couldn't recall what it was.

"I'm sorry, I think I... assumed you already knew about it," that's what Shintaro said, and Haruka can't help a few tears. To him, it's really hard to bring himself to cry, but he's suddenly remembering that joyful smile, those radiant eyes and that ridiculous scarf he used to admire so much. "Ayano– I mean, uh... I thought you'd remember her, I'm really sorry for bringing it up..."

He's awkward and his voice cracks a little when he says that name. He's jittery, and Haruka thinks it's because he's seeing him cry. That's why he shakes his head from one side to the other, managing a smile as he lets go of his sketchbook to let it lay on his lap as there was no other place to put it away. There's a drawing of a long gone hero on the paper, and he looks at it before replying, "Don't be sorry, Shintaro-kun. It's not your fault."

No one's fault, really. He did remember her; but she was just a face hidden at the back of his mind until he heard her name again.

Because he's slowly building it up again. He's slowly learning who these people are, or learning who other people were. But, although it doesn't make sense and there's no point, he can't let it go.

There's something missing, and there's a feeling each time Takane takes his hand, telling him to don't forget and go foward. He doesn't know what kind of feeling it is, he just knows it's from his heart. It's a feeling that appears when she looks sad despite her smile, one that makes him feel the urge of getting up from his wheelchair to hug her.

But, it'd be weird to do that, isn't it? It'd be weird to hug a person he can't help thinking of as a stranger. He knows there's more behind that, he knows he wouldn't feel this way if she really was a stranger. He knows that a lot of the blurred moments are with her, and that she's important.

Sometimes they get to have a normal conversation, which relieves him. For it, she might be trying to imagine him and herself wearing uniforms and the white room as some dusty classroom, but Haruka tries to ignore that fact, as he snickers about her exaggerated stories from when she was a cyber being.

He can remember randomly small things. Like her pretty face, that he used to draw so much, and how much he hated to see those eyes leak tears because of him. The way her eyes were red, and the way she used to use her wrists to wipe her soaked cheeks. The way she used to squeeze the white sheets of his hospital bed as she tried to hide the fact that she's been crying by saying things she didn't actually mean.

Just because he could remember that, Haruka starts to, again, grow the habit of drawing her all the time.

He can also remember being actually scared of the tiny girl. And how she hated, hated with all her being, being called tiny. But, it was the truth. He remembers the way he started walking a little slower, only to let her catch up with his long steps, since it felt nice to walk next to her.

Not that he has to worry about it now. She always makes sure to be the one holding his wheelchair's handles.

The memory of the sound of the chair cracking every single time she would move as she was sitting was still stuck in his mind, and he remembers being embarrassed because he was so aware and attentive of her movements. The memory of the girl complaining of how unbelievable _hot_ it was, moving her shirt's collar back and forth to ventilate herself, although, it didn't matter how hot it was. Because even if it was cold, she'd be complaining again. She'd be shivering and rubbing her hands together to keep them a little warm, and he remembers hearing her soft and quiet sneeze as she ended up catching a cold. He also remembers wanting to do something so she could be more warm, when he was so cold himself.

And despite remembering all of that, there's still so much missing. So if Takane is a stranger to him, why does he dream of her every night?

* * *

"I thought you wanted me to tell you everything I remembered."

"Yeah, important things, not that you felt sick and threw up when you were _probably_ ten or so."

"Well, it was important to me."

"...Why?"

"Because I ate a lot of sweets. I remember my mom had told me not to, but it was worth it."

"You're such an idiot."

He can't help laughing, although Takane's serious. She shakes her head, but he's quick to realize she's got an amused expression on her face. Haruka feels a strange sensation in his head, and now he feels a little warmer. _I must be blushing_ , he concludes, trying to recall the last time he's felt this on his face.

He could remember his heart pounding against his chest very quickly, and the way he had gotten a little scared until he understood it wasn't an attack. Her not actually radiant but still beautiful smile. Her messy but cute twintails. Her adorable pink cheeks, the ones that on his drawings, he represented by giving light shades with his pencil's graphite. He remembers how unaccountably happy he felt everytime he could get a laugh out of her.

It's messy, but he kind of brings himself to understand it anyway.

"Hey, Takane."

She turns around to face him, and smiles. She smiles each time he says her name, that's why Haruka makes sure to say it so much, as she looked utterly upset the time he accidentally called her by Ene. He's decided that this time, he'll make her smile as much as he can, since he can also remember so well the way he had some kind of power to make her frown at every little thing he said.

Takane (not Ene, Haruka repeats in his mind) is looking up at him now, as she's been so insistent about him leaving the wheelchair. The wind moves her hair, and she brings a hand to get it out of her face. She doesn't say anything, so he guesses that means he can go on.

"I think I just remembered something," her smile falls at the same time the last word slips from his tongue, but it's fast to be back. "Or maybe I just feel it now, I don't really know."

"What is it this time?" Takane's eyes are bright when she looks at him, and her expectant mind might be thinking it'd be some other childhood memory, as he's been remembering so much of that lately. He almost wants to point out how cute her smile is, but decides to keep it to himself.

"It's actually hard to explain," perhaps he shouldn't have said anything, because he said it out of an impulse and now he can't bring it to words. Haruka giggles in an attempt of laughing it off, but it doesn't seem enough for Takane.

"It's alright, say whatever came into your mind," she's still smiling, and that made him feel a little more embarrassed. It'd be easier if she wasn't this blissful at hearing him say this, and he also likes to be able to say it without it being a lie, but he knows it was so much easier to tell her things he felt when she was the one embarrassed.

This way, despite his mind being a mess of a lost track of uncomplete memories, it feels like they've changed places and now he's the one with a fighting tongue, in front of eyes he can't dare to meet.

Because, that's the way Takane felt back then, wasn't it? That's what he guesses after she's confessed. After he couldn't help but reject her, as at that exact second, Takane was just a sort of stranger blurting out feelings towards him, or a self he didn't even knew much about.

She had smiled, wiping her tears with those long sleeves, as she muttered between sour giggles, _"It's okay! The important thing is that Haruka is here."_

"I don't know, I guess what I remembered was how complicated feelings are," that's the only answer he can bring himself to voice, and Takane lets go a long sigh,

"Tell me about it," she says, with a roll of eyes. Haruka snickers after hearing her carefree answer, although he can see a hint of a blush on her face. A really light blush, one that covered both of her cheeks and somehow gave her a happiest appearence.

There's another memory of her, in which she's grabbing his hands and is telling him that everything'll be fine. She was also scolding him for not saying what he thought, he isn't sure what, but he knows they've worked really hard after that. An idea that had looked impossible in his head, but she had managed to bring it to reality with smiles and reassurance.

He isn't sure if he's remembering that he was in love with her, or if he's simply just falling for her all over again. So Haruka does what he's always done to make things easier, and smiles.

But there wasn't a way to make this _easier_ , was it? Memories, no memories, sickly, healthy... Yes, no matter what he's like, he still can't help it.

"Takane, do you still love me?" he asks, and he's glad how smoothly it was pronounced. He's not really feeling embarrassed, and it's kind of a relief when the soft blush he's watched just a few seconds earlier explodes into a bright red on her face. "Takane said she loved me, not long ago. Do you still feel that way?"

She stutters a little, because after all she's still _Takane_ , the same teenager that masked feelings with violent reactions and harsh comments. Just because she's been that way though, doesn't mean he'll get a pinch on the cheek as an answer, as she looks down, trying to hide her blush with her jacket. "Well, yeah... W... Why?"

"Just making sure."

"Of what?"

He looks at her for a second, deciding he didn't want to just do that. He lunges closer to her, quickly trapping her in a embrace as she tries to swallow back a sound of surprise. They've hugged before; Takane had jumped to him at the exact moment she saw him, crying hysterically for some reason he could only understand after spending so much time with her again. All he could bring himself to do at that moment was to do the next most logical thing and hug her back, feeling sad since her scent was so familiar but he was so confused.

That's why he's hugging her again, to feel what he couldn't that day. Of course he's still not feeling what he'd wish; there isn't a _finally_ kind of feeling. But, he's still enjoying that Takane's shyly hugging back instead of pushing him away.

"I'm so glad I got to see you again," the words leave his mouth before he could think them over, that's why it's a little weird. Haruka feels her writhe in his arms, trying to pull away to most likely look at his face, but he only tightens the soft hold of her. "And I'm sorry there are things I'll never remember, but..."

"You don't have to be sorry, Haruka!" she yells against his chest, so her voice sounds muffled. It's nice to hear his name from her; she never, never fails at calling him that, as some members of the group still insist in calling him Konoha. "It's... It's not Haruka's fault, after all...! So, don't... Wh – what are you...!?"

Takane interrupts herself when he leans in to be slightly at her height, and he cups one of his hands on her cheek. Her skin feels hot on his, and her blush is only getting darker as he presses his forehead against hers.

"But, Takane," Haruka goes on, and he closes his eyes right when she dares to meet his. He's not this strong, and he doesn't deserve her. He starts remembering those thoughts, that she'd never be his anyway, that she'll meet a lot of wonderful people and have someone who'd able to take care of her in a way he'd be incapable of. But, this is a second chance, and for once, he decides to think of his own happiness before anyone else. "If you're willing to have me... Then, I love you too, Takane."

It might be okay to be a little selfish sometimes. It's been enough of everything.

She growls some insult under her breath, and he can't blame her. He breathes out a giggle just at the same time she makes a movement that was sharp for a second, followed by her timid fingertips quickly reaching to his shirt, lightly grabbing his shirt's collar to bring him even closer. Neither was actually prepared, so they both freeze once their lips barely brush together.

Haruka flinches, and Takane's about to pull back, scared of having messed up. As that isn't the case, he keeps her close, whispering, "It's alright," before closing the distance that was barely there in the first place.

He's glad when he feels her smile.


End file.
